Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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