you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
