Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
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Come back. Shots need mouths.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize