I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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