maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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