@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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