Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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