How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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