I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
