He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
