we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i want to swaddle you in tequila
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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