Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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