What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
