By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
