No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
