We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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