she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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