You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
