if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
