I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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