your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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