Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I want is dick and wine.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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