my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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