My balls are so social today.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
