Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
