I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
