It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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