Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
