those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
