He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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