Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
