I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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