yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
