I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
