Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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