apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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