hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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