YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I AM VODKA MAN
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
