i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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