i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
