Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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