Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
