Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
