So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
