Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
