one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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