btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
