fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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