you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
