Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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