How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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