puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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