OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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