just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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