You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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