I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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