i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
