i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize