I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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