i jhust puked up my retainher.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
