I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
