While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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