just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
