look no pants
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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