i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
