I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
