too bad you live with your parents still
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
