Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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