Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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