Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
