ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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