i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
