In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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