Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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